I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
