Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
