wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
