this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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