I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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