You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
