when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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