6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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