I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
