yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
