She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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