And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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