He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
