He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had to cum in my sink.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
