As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
