no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I understand Curling. That high.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
