I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
