I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
