Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
