I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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