YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's blow job season.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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