Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
