Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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