This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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