i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
