I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
