So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
