i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we're making bets on your personal life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
