you have to choose: penises or morals?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
