3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
