i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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