guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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