It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
