I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
