The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
