Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
