your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
