Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize