Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
