i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was like eating out sand paper
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Less talking, more tequila
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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