you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
