hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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