I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
