were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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