i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
