I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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