I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm at about main and main street
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
