sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Text me some of your sweat
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
