Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
