taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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