I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
