I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
