how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
