drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
