Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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