he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
