Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
