you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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