Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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