Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
