Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
