You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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